How To Be A Caregiver for My Mom: How to Prepare

My neighbor’s mother moved in with them recently, after having a stroke. They’re trying to take care of her while juggling their careers and raising teenage kids. It’s made me start thinking about what I’d do if my mom suddenly needed that kind of care. I don’t know how I’d handle it – and I have no idea where to even start.

Many families are caught off guard when an aging parent suddenly gets ill, is seriously injured in a fall, has a heart attack or stroke, or is diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. A recent study found that nearly one in five adults in the U.S. – about 53 million people – are providing unpaid care to a family member, with most caring for aging parents or loved ones. And while two-thirds of caregivers end up being women, surveys show many feel unprepared for the financial, physical and emotional responsibilities of caregiving.

And parents themselves aren’t terribly prepared either. At least one-third of older adults over 50 say they’ve not planned at all for their long-term care planning.

Wondering how to be a caregiver for an elderly parent if the time comes? It’s smart to start preparing now.

Talk About the Future

According to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP),  77% of older Americans say they’d prefer to receive care in their own home, and 67% say they want that care to come from a family member. But not all family members share those expectations. That’s why it’s so important to have family conversations before a crisis occurs.

When caring for an aging parent, you have many senior care options. You and your parents need to talk about what those options are, what they prefer and what’s most realistic for everyone. What are some of those options?

• Senior living communities offer a range of possibilities. Some exclusively focus on assisted living and/or memory care, while others offer a full continuum of care on campus. You can also find communities that allow non-residents to take advantage of short-term rehabilitation after an illness or surgery. Your parents may balk at the idea of a senior living community, but today’s communities offer robust, healthy lifestyles that help seniors live better and provide the security of knowing they’ll have the care they need, whenever they need it. In fact, a recent study conducted by NORC at the University of Chicago for The National Investment Center for Seniors Housing & Care (NIC) showed that people who choose senior living live longer and better than those who remain in the community.
• Home health care is an option for providing care in your parents’ home. While these services can be ideal for some, not everyone is comfortable with someone they don’t know taking care of them. The costs of home health services can also add up. Even when a modest level of home care is required and added to the cost of a home, home operation and living expenses, the cost of living at home with home care – even for a modestly priced home – can exceed the cost of some senior living communities.  New data from CareScout indicates that home care costs range between $6,292 and $6,483 monthly (based on 40 hours per week). So, discussing personal preferences and financial feasibility is important.
• Family caregiving is provided by about 53 million Americans, with 41.8 million caring for someone older than 50. The average family caregiver spends 23.7 hours per week providing care, and nearly 1 in 5 spends 41 hours or more caregiving – essentially a full-time job. And while caregiving has plenty of emotional, physical and financial challenges, 86% of caregivers say it’s a rewarding experience. Still, it’s important for your family to understand what caregiving involves – and what it could cost – before someone assumes the role. 

Need Help Starting the Conversation?

Being a caregiver for an elderly parent starts with a conversation. If you’re unsure how to start these conversations, download Tackling the Topic, a guide to helping you navigate these talks with your parents.

Getting Practically Prepared

If you and your family decide caregiving is the way to go, you can take some practical steps to get ready for whenever that day comes.

Finances

If your family leans toward caregiving at home, you can get ahead by making practical preparations now:

• Review what it costs for your parents to stay in their current house. Even if the mortgage is paid off, it’s not free. They’ll still have to pay taxes, maintenance, utilities and insurance. And, if senior-friendly modifications are necessary, they can cost thousands, especially with the anticipated impact of tariffs on building materials. A recent report by ASHA, The Surprising Price of Staying in a House, shows how, in many cases, staying at home can cost more than community life. Will they be able to afford to stay where they are?
• Understand what your parents’ insurance will cover. Remember that long-term care insurance and Medicare/Medicaid don’t pay for everything.
• According to a 2021 AARP Report, nearly eight in 10 caregivers incur out-of-pocket expenses due to caregiving – sometimes that adds up to thousands of dollars. One in three dips into their personal savings and 12% take out a loan or borrow from family and friends. Some run up credit card debt to meet the financial demands of caregiving.

  The AARP report says to be a caregiver, plan on spending over $7,200 annually on caregiving expenses. Many spend much more. And, while you can claim a parent as a dependent and take medical tax deductions for their care, you need to be sure you know how you’re going to help cover upfront expenses. If you have siblings, can they help pay for care?

Legal Issues

Making sure certain legal protections are in place will help the whole family if a crisis arises.

• A power of attorney for health care and finances designates who can make decisions on behalf of your parents.
• An advanced directive or living will lets family and physicians know what your parents’ wishes are for medical treatment.
• A financial power of attorney designates someone to make financial decisions on their behalf.
• A digital power of attorney lets another person manage digital assets like social media accounts, websites, email accounts, online access to banking, investments or credit cards.

To help your family make these arrangements, you can get your state’s advanced directive planning forms. 

Documentation

Gather and organize these important documents:

• Medical records
• Health insurance and long-term care policies
• Financial account information
• Legal documents (POAs, wills, directives)
• Identity records (birth certificates, Social Security cards)

Having this information organized and at your fingertips, especially in an emergency, makes it much more manageable.

How to be a Caregiver for My Mom? Make It a Family Conversation

Bring siblings into the process early on. Talk about all the options and how you can work together to be ready to provide the care your parents need when the time comes. Discuss caregiving roles, financial expectations and senior living options.

Find Community

You can use our Community Finder to find a community for your parents when they’re ready – and you’re ready.

Where You Live Matters

Where You Live Matters is powered by the American Seniors Housing Association (ASHA), a respected voice in the senior housing industry. ASHA primarily focuses on legislative and regulatory advocacy, research, and educational opportunities and networking for senior living executives, so they can better understand the needs of older adults across the country.

Sources:
Americans Speak on Long-Term Care and Alzheimer’s Disease
Long-term Care in America: Expectations and Preferences for Care and Caregiving
Legal Preparations for Caregiving